Eyes on EPL
Sweat dripped from his brow, caused by both heat and exhaustion. The mighty Orc charged through the cave, taking little time to slay the attacking Ogres. Like a maniac running the gauntlet, he raced passed the abominations, taking only enough time to remove his sword from a carcass. An Ogre mage saw the warrior and began to cast a spell; the Orc swiped his shield into the one-eyed magi and put him into a daze. Taking a foothold of the opportunity, the Orc beheaded the final enemy in sight. He took a few more steps through the searing cave located deep within the Burning Steppes and reached his goal. The green warrior removed his helmet, and wiped his face with his shirt. Walking up to a figure behind an alter, the creature placed his helm on the stones and said, “I ordered a large extra cheese for pick-up; name’s Rommell. You guys seriously have to relocate.” Before he could take his first bite, he heard it...
Steg’mite stood, eye glaring from the reflection of the water at high noon. The shore waters of Ratchet held many dark and evil secrets. He taunted the creature, using a slur of profanities. The creature swore back in its own language. Argos and Sköll, Steg’mite’s faithful worgs, growled at the foe; hair bristled and ears lowered. Steg’mite slowly reached towards his belt and slid his fingers through his claws. He stabbed at the creature, but it dodged his attack. The worg snapped at the attacker, but it moved from the massive jaws. Steg’mite jumped in the air and came down onto the creature with his heel, squishing the life out of it. “Did ya see the size o dat ting? Had ta be like t’ree inches long. I hate bugs, bleh.” He sat back down on the docks, cast his fishing pole into the water and laid back. The Troll lowered his hat to cover his eye from the sun and started to fall asleep when he heard it…
The young lady walked with haste through the tunnels. If it were not for decayed skin and exposed bones, she would be considered an attractive woman. She raced through the Undercity, former capitol of Lordaeron, with fervor in her eyes like none other. Then, she spotted her goal, but it was obstructed. The feared warlock, Rarawyn, was suddenly helpless as she waited in line for the lady’s room. Even though she was Undead, a bladder with pressure still created ill comfort. Without contemplating her options, she yelled at the top of her lungs the spell of fear. Dozens of women ran around crying as Rarawyn pushed past them into an open stall, and then she heard it… “All Eyesss to the Bulwark now!” Lord Sauron Barrowwight’s voice boomed over the cell stones of all members. Rommell stuffed the pizza box into his bag and left a piece hanging from his maw as he was summoned to the edge of the Western Plaguelands and Tirisfall Glades. Steg’mite rolled over and picked up his bag and his two pups as he felt the rush of the summons. Rarawyn struggled in the stall; she was caught with her pants around her ankles as the summons came.
Within minutes, the entire guild was assembled by the small Horde outpost. “We were given a ssspecial tasssk by the Queen Herssself,” The Lord Sauron hissed. “We are to completely eradicate corruption from the Eassstern Plaguelandsss. I am told that we will be rewarded with giftsss beyond our dreamsss. Letsss ride!”
The Lidless Eye banded together and rode from the Bulwark to the far northeast of the land, which was once the countryside of Lordaeron. It took two days to steamroll every demon, bat, worm and scourge from the area. There was so much loot, that they had to leave a lot of trash behind. One of the Queen’s guards rode up to the Lord Sauron after they were completely finished.. The guard gave him some orders, which the Lord Sauron did not seem to like. He walked back over to his guild, which were sitting in the dead grass, flicking bat eyeballs at each other.
“Our missssssion has been extended. We are now sssupposed to ssstay here and defend the road that leadsss from the Wessstern Plaguelandsss to the Eassstern Plaguelandsss by way of Corin’sss Crossssssing.”
“Someone give me a towel, please?”
“You can’t be serious?” Ashenone, the massive Tauren, rose from the ground, very upset. “First off, we just killed everything, what is there to defend?”
“Anyone who would wisssh to ruin the Queen’sss plansss.”
“Doesn’t your Queen have her own stinking guards to do that? We have families at home; spouses, children, pet rocks.”
“We are promisssed that it will not take more than three weeksss. What are you complaining about Ashhh? You complain about your wife every chance you get, and you don’t have any kids.”
“Yeah, but my pet rock gets lonely.”
Over the next month, much of the same occurred. Confidential paperwork and full wagons coming, empty wagons with no escort going back towards the Undercity. After that first night, the most horrific noises came from the distance. Valjean and Safya tried to sneak over and see what the commotion was, but were spotted and told to return to Corin’s Crossing.
Finally, behind schedule, the same guard came into the town and spoke to the Lord Sauron inside the inn. The rest of the Eye stood outside, attempting to eavesdrop. Barrowwight came outside with the guard and shared the news. “Eyesss, the Queen isss very pleasssed with usss, and hasss given usss the opportunity to be the firssst to sssee what occurred under our watch.” The guild rode to the east and saw the horrifying beast, which lay before them. The banshee queen Lady Sylvannas ordered The Lidless Eye to stand watch while a mini-mall was built in her honor. It was complete with a paved stable-lot and incredible inflated flailing arms Lady Sylvannas.
“Ya mean ta tell us dat we spent a month while a shrine in de form of cheap commerce was built?” Wroth looked a bit upset at the unveiling.
“Yes, this is exactly what the Queen wanted,” replied the bodyguard, proudly. “A place where all her subjects may spend their hard earned gold on more than just armor and weapons. Every Thursday is ‘One Copper Hot Dog Day’, and Saturday mornings we will have an open flea market.” The Undead members of the guild flocked to the various shop windows in awe as the rest of the races sat on their mounts just off the tiled pavilion. There were stores for women’s clothing, men’s clothing, arts and crafts, music, games, and even a night club complete with an abomination DJ.
Cretila ran back to the crowd of non-Undead. “Guys! They have little Varimathras cookies. The horns are candy corn and the wings are made out of Fruit